The two kinds of single women...

The two kinds of single women

Story Highlights:
-Newly single woman doesn't get expected reactions from single, married friends
-Coupled girlfriends state with confidence she will be fine
-Single girlfriends push her to act out of desperation to find new guy
-Writer says women shouldn't talk negative about being single

By Lauren Frisky

(The Frisky) -- In January, I left a live-in relationship after three years. The experience was all the sad adjectives you can imagine. But after the sobbing spells and the heavy drinking, the fog lifted -- I was finally single again for the first time since after I graduated college.

Naturally, I expected my single friends to react with equal doses of giddy glee. For the record, I'm not the kind of girl who ditches my ladies when I'm dating someone. But lots of time does free up when you become single.

As for my coupled-up chums, I expected sad stares. They probably thought I was doomed for spinsterhood after leaving my longest relationship at age 27.

"But don't you want to get married and have kids?" I imagined them asking. When I'd respond, "Not right now," they'd ignore me and say, "I know someone who'd be perfect for you!"

But that didn't happen. My taken gals were as supportive as my sturdiest Victoria's Secret bra.

"I don't worry about you," my best friend, who is getting hitched next summer, affirmed.

"You'll be fine, alone or with someone."

I wiped my brow -- my attached amigas didn't consider my newfound singleness a contagious disease! So obviously, I thought the single ones would feel the same.

That's when I learned that there are two kinds of single girl. The first kind is independent, secure and just as content to sit at home with Netflix as she is to go out on a date. The other kind is always moaning about being alone and plotting which guy to go after just like an Army general preparing for battle.

Unfortunately, some of my single friends fell into that second category.

At a bar one night, a guy gave me his digits. I wasn't that interested, but took them anyway. My friend said, "You better call him, because in a few years, no one will be giving you their numbers anymore."

Ouch. What did that mean?

Another single friend told me she'd feel "defeated" if she were me. Ouch again. Did I suck at life because I'd decided I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person?

A few weeks later, another pal, totally unprompted, said, "You should get on Match.com. Just to have more options."

"Umm, thanks, but I haven't been single that long," I replied, taking a mighty swig of beer.

"Well, it's just that the pool gets smaller as you get older," she said. What the hell?

Being in a vulnerable post-breakup state, for a while I let these comments sting. But almost six months later, I've learned to ignore them because they don't apply to me -- they apply to the people saying them. Misery does indeed love company.

Now I'm happy to say I'm spending my time with family and happy friends, traveling and just being me. You know what I'm not doing? Stressing about being alone. I'm not that kind of single girl.

Tips for singles:

1. Don't take things bitter friends say to heart. They're projecting -- putting their insecurities on you.

2. Don't chat with negative friends about your love life (or lack there of).

3. Don't feel forced to date because your friends are.

4. Do go out with supportive friends of all relationship statuses.

5. Do enjoy you. That's the only person you'll definitely be with forever.

TM & � 2009 TMV, Inc. | All Rights Reserved

**For the record, I am the first type. If there's a guy in the picture, great. If there isn't, that's fine too. I don't lament over the fact that there is no one in my life, even though my culture and background states I should be married with about 4 kids by now.

Just last week my mother goes 'you should go on that harmony.com thing' - of course referring to eharmony.com as a commercial just aired. I just gave her a look that said 'really, mom?!you just said that?!'. Needless to say, we had a good laugh, but it definitely made me look in to the fact that at 28 I have no problems sitting at home on a Fri or Sat night and watching movies alone or working from home or what have you. And I'm completely ok with that. I do have friends that, just as the article illustrates, think that after a certain age, there is no one in the pool of eligible bachelors left.

I'd still like to think that my diamond in the rough is out there, somewhere.

Blame it on the...A-A-A-A-A-A-lcohol

Starbucks experiments with new name, adding alcohol to its menu

By Bruce Horovitz, USA TODAY
Don't expect grande wines or venti beers anytime soon at your local Starbucks. (SBUX)
But in a move to attract hard-to-find evening business, the struggling coffeehouse chain is about to test the addition of wine and beer to the menu at one of its Seattle stores, which it has even given a new name.

The store, opening next week, is called "15th Ave. Coffee and Tea inspired by Starbucks" — a reflection of the neighborhood in which it's located.

Starbucks plans to create two more similar stores in the Seattle area at locations that aren't currently Starbucks stores. And if the concept works, it could be tested in other cities, says Major Cohen, senior project manager at Starbucks.

For Starbucks, which has suffered a humbling mix of closed stores, employee layoffs and same-store sales declines during the recession, the move is an attempt to extend the brand into the evening, when business is typically at its slowest.

The first store, which will look very different from a typical Starbucks, will serve a half-dozen kinds of beers and wines — most with connections to the Northwest. A bottle of beer or a glass of wine will sell for $4 to $7, Cohen says.

Beer and wine will not be sold to go because of state law, he says.

"We'll be equally as proud of our beer and wine as we are of our coffee," Cohen says. He says he didn't yet know if this concept would be incorporated into all Starbucks stores if it's successful.

"If you stop innovating, you're dead," says Scott Bedbury, CEO of consulting firm Brandstream and former marketing chief at Starbucks. While Bedbury likes the move — which he says is common for European coffeehouses — it also could twist the chain's hard-earned image, he warns. "The reason Starbucks became the number one place to go for a blind date is because women are comfortable there — and the men aren't drunk."

The test move to sell alcohol is clearly an attempt to fight off growing competition from McDonald's and Dunkin' Donuts, says Ron Paul, president of Technomic, a restaurant consulting firm. "But if I were sitting in Seattle, I'd go after the evening snack and dessert business, not alcoholic beverages."


Find this article at:
http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/food/2009-07-16-starbucks-new-concept_N.htm

What a girl needs...

I figured it out!

The beach is bliss!

And that's all there is to it. It just is. It's bliss. It's awesome. It's a place I wish I could go to every day!!! But I can't, because I'm here, in AZ, where at 7:26pm it's 110 degrees. Yeah, I'm here. Not there.

I drove out to CA Wednesday night and was about an hour away from my destination and ended up stopping to get gas. The location was sort of in the middle of nowhere and it was around midnight. So I stopped, went to the bathroom, pumped my gas, then locked my doors. You know, to make sure the boogey man doesn't come get me or jump in my car. I don't know, it's just a habit to lock my doors. Well, it was really windy. And the wind knocked my driver door shut. And, as a result, my door locked. Not all the way, but enough to lock the door.

That's right. I locked my keys in my car, at midnight, at a gas station, in the middle of nowhere.

I couldn't even really freak out. I was so taken aback by what I had just done. I literally stood there for a good while just thinking 'wow, i just totally locked my keys in my car. there they are, in my seat, sitting next to my purse'. It was comical, so I let out a little laugh. I have NEVER before in my life done that. And of allll the times it HAD to happen, it happened then.

Then I started freaking out. Because I am a chick (damsel) afterall. And after that little stunt, I was definitely in distress.

Luckily, the gas station was big enough to merit having a security guard on staff. So I went back in to the store/cashier and the security guard was nice enough to call a two truck for me and luckily he was able to show up in 10 minutes.

So, here's the part that KILLS me. First off, it took the dude less than 30 seconds to open my car door. I won't even go into details about how he did it because it scares me to know that breaking into someone's car is THAT easy. I kid you not, it took the man LESS THAN 30 SECONDS!!! Then I had to pay him $70! SEVENTY!!!! Sonsabitches!!!!

But my door WAS unlocked. And at midnight, at a gas station, in the middle of nowhere, I was willing to pay as much as was necessary to be on my merry little way. It still totally sucked though!

I did end up having a ball and spending it with my cousin, her hubby (when he was around) and their little 5 year old who I just love love love. She's the cutest thing that ever walked the land. I'm totally biased, of course. But I LOVE her! So we shopped, went to the beach, shopped some more, went out and about while it was only in the 70s and 80s and enjoyed every minute of it. Especially knowing that it was 116 in AZ!

Then the best part - I taught the little munchkin to sing 'I'm on a boat' lol. Then Saturday night, coming out of downtown Disneyland, passing the House of Blues, the song came on and she lost it. So we sang 'I got my flippy floppies, I'm on a boat' alllll the way home. She's a ham and I love her and it was hysterical and if I could figure out a way to post the video from my BlackBerry on here, I would.

And now it's back to another hectic work week. *sigh*

Is narcissism keeping you single?

Another story I stole from cnn.com...

Story Highlights:
-Some say today's twentysomethings delay marriage to focus on careers
-Others have too high of expectations of what a relationship should be like
-This may stem from idea that you have to love yourself before anyone else will
-"My hunch is we're not giving twentysomethings enough credit," author writes

By Wendy Atterberry
(The Frisky) -- It's no secret that people are getting married later these days than in previous generations, and in this culture of hook-ups and "modern female dating anxiety," we're at no loss for theories that explain why.

Some people say today's twentysomethings are delaying marriage to focus on careers and build close friendships instead, but another explanation paints a less flattering picture of young people.

Apparently, they're all just a bunch of narcissists. In an article on The Daily Beast this week, writer Hannah Seligson, explores this theory, writing: "narcissism, even in small doses, has shifted courtship into a high-stakes relationship culture.

Now that people think more highly of themselves, expectations of what a relationship should be like have skyrocketed into the realm of superlatives.

Twentysomethings not only expect to waltz into high-level career positions right out of college, they also expect partners who have the moral fortitude of Nelson Mandela, the comedic timing of Stephen Colbert, the abs of Hugh Jackman, and the hair of Patrick Dempsey."

But is it true that twentysomethings think more highly of themselves and have greater expectations for their lives than older generations did at their age? And, if so, is that such a bad thing? Seligson cites psychology professors W. Keith Campbell and Jean Twenge, authors of the book, The Narcissism Epidemic, who "chart the dramatic rise in the number of Americans who have a clinical narcissist personality disorder."

Surveying a wide representation of 35,000 Americans, they discovered that "nearly 10 percent of twentysomethings reported symptoms of narcissism, compared to just over 3 percent of those over 65." And in an age of confessional blogging, and constant Facebook and Twitter updates, that figure isn't hard to believe.

Some believe this blatant self-regard is a product of the "Oprah school of thought," or the idea that you have to love yourself before anyone else will.

While Twenge says there's no evidence that people with higher self-esteem have better relationships, Terry Real, a therapist and relationship expert, adds: "There is a national obsession with feeling good about yourself. We have done a good job teaching people to come up from shame, but have ignored the issue of having people come down from grandiosity.

The result seems to be a generation of young people who view everything -- especially relationships -- in terms of the happiness it brings them and how good it makes them feel about themselves.

This is a problem, the experts say, because relationships are about compromise, about sometimes sacrificing what makes you happy for what makes your partner happy.

So if focusing so intently on one's personal happiness and gratification is a bad thing, how should today's twentysomethings examine the merits of a potential mate? If their own good feelings are a narcisstic lens through which to view a relationship, what's the appropriate way to examine it?

My hunch is we're not giving twentysomethings enough credit. They're a smart, well-educated bunch, if a tad self-involved. But come on, it's not like it's some new phenomenon for twentysomethings to act narcissistic.

The experts say today's crop is three times more narcissistic that their grandparents, but they don't reveal how narcissistic those grandparents were when they were in their twenties.

I suspect today's youth, just like the generations before, will mature and become less self-involved over time. They'll begin seeing potential mates in terms of not only how happy they make them feel, but how much better they are when they're with them: better friends, better employees, better contributing members of society.

But don't expect it to happen overnight -- twentysomethings today are busy enjoying their "me" time (and tweeting about every minute of it).

"I'm feelin' hot hot hot..."

People, it's hot!

(ok, I don't know who I'm calling peoples. I know there is one, maybe two or three people that read this blog lol)

And because it's so FLIPPIN' HOT (projected for Saturday: 116 degrees! Projected for Sunday: 114 degrees!), I'm getting outta dodge and driving to SoCal. My absolutely wonderful CEO was nice enough to let me take Thursday and Friday off, so yours truly will have an extended weekend consisting of laying out on the beautiful beach during the day and lounging in a hot tub in the evenings. Oh yes, it will be bliss!

Annnddd...I get to hang out with my cousin's little 5 year old muchkin who I just love to pieces! I did teach her to say 'hubba hubba firefighters' afterall. :)

Thursday cannot come soon enough!

Oy Vey!

I LOVE long weekends! Love. Love. Love them! The only bad part is that they have to eventually come to an end.

I - like most people, I'm sure - had Friday off from work for the 4th of July holiday. Let me tell ya, having a weekday off really helps! You get stuff done - like, you know: shopping, pedicures, lunch with friends, aaaand...more shopping. It was great!

I spent Saturday on the lake on my friend's boat and a fun time was had by all. So much fun that I ended up with a lovely red glow. That's right darlings, I got the mother of all sunburns. I have been slathering myself in aloe all day today. The only part that sucks is that I can't reach my back, and that I look like Rudolf. My nose is bright red, my forehead is red and I have a lovely raccoon-like look thanks to the sunglasses I was wearing. I'm sure returning to work tomorrow will be loads of fun!

Speaking of work - it's been busy and interesting. But right now, with everything going on, I'm just glad to still be employed. So all is well as far as I'm concerned.

Those are the only updates I have for now. Hope all is well in your world!