Is narcissism keeping you single?

Another story I stole from cnn.com...

Story Highlights:
-Some say today's twentysomethings delay marriage to focus on careers
-Others have too high of expectations of what a relationship should be like
-This may stem from idea that you have to love yourself before anyone else will
-"My hunch is we're not giving twentysomethings enough credit," author writes

By Wendy Atterberry
(The Frisky) -- It's no secret that people are getting married later these days than in previous generations, and in this culture of hook-ups and "modern female dating anxiety," we're at no loss for theories that explain why.

Some people say today's twentysomethings are delaying marriage to focus on careers and build close friendships instead, but another explanation paints a less flattering picture of young people.

Apparently, they're all just a bunch of narcissists. In an article on The Daily Beast this week, writer Hannah Seligson, explores this theory, writing: "narcissism, even in small doses, has shifted courtship into a high-stakes relationship culture.

Now that people think more highly of themselves, expectations of what a relationship should be like have skyrocketed into the realm of superlatives.

Twentysomethings not only expect to waltz into high-level career positions right out of college, they also expect partners who have the moral fortitude of Nelson Mandela, the comedic timing of Stephen Colbert, the abs of Hugh Jackman, and the hair of Patrick Dempsey."

But is it true that twentysomethings think more highly of themselves and have greater expectations for their lives than older generations did at their age? And, if so, is that such a bad thing? Seligson cites psychology professors W. Keith Campbell and Jean Twenge, authors of the book, The Narcissism Epidemic, who "chart the dramatic rise in the number of Americans who have a clinical narcissist personality disorder."

Surveying a wide representation of 35,000 Americans, they discovered that "nearly 10 percent of twentysomethings reported symptoms of narcissism, compared to just over 3 percent of those over 65." And in an age of confessional blogging, and constant Facebook and Twitter updates, that figure isn't hard to believe.

Some believe this blatant self-regard is a product of the "Oprah school of thought," or the idea that you have to love yourself before anyone else will.

While Twenge says there's no evidence that people with higher self-esteem have better relationships, Terry Real, a therapist and relationship expert, adds: "There is a national obsession with feeling good about yourself. We have done a good job teaching people to come up from shame, but have ignored the issue of having people come down from grandiosity.

The result seems to be a generation of young people who view everything -- especially relationships -- in terms of the happiness it brings them and how good it makes them feel about themselves.

This is a problem, the experts say, because relationships are about compromise, about sometimes sacrificing what makes you happy for what makes your partner happy.

So if focusing so intently on one's personal happiness and gratification is a bad thing, how should today's twentysomethings examine the merits of a potential mate? If their own good feelings are a narcisstic lens through which to view a relationship, what's the appropriate way to examine it?

My hunch is we're not giving twentysomethings enough credit. They're a smart, well-educated bunch, if a tad self-involved. But come on, it's not like it's some new phenomenon for twentysomethings to act narcissistic.

The experts say today's crop is three times more narcissistic that their grandparents, but they don't reveal how narcissistic those grandparents were when they were in their twenties.

I suspect today's youth, just like the generations before, will mature and become less self-involved over time. They'll begin seeing potential mates in terms of not only how happy they make them feel, but how much better they are when they're with them: better friends, better employees, better contributing members of society.

But don't expect it to happen overnight -- twentysomethings today are busy enjoying their "me" time (and tweeting about every minute of it).

"I'm feelin' hot hot hot..."

People, it's hot!

(ok, I don't know who I'm calling peoples. I know there is one, maybe two or three people that read this blog lol)

And because it's so FLIPPIN' HOT (projected for Saturday: 116 degrees! Projected for Sunday: 114 degrees!), I'm getting outta dodge and driving to SoCal. My absolutely wonderful CEO was nice enough to let me take Thursday and Friday off, so yours truly will have an extended weekend consisting of laying out on the beautiful beach during the day and lounging in a hot tub in the evenings. Oh yes, it will be bliss!

Annnddd...I get to hang out with my cousin's little 5 year old muchkin who I just love to pieces! I did teach her to say 'hubba hubba firefighters' afterall. :)

Thursday cannot come soon enough!

Oy Vey!

I LOVE long weekends! Love. Love. Love them! The only bad part is that they have to eventually come to an end.

I - like most people, I'm sure - had Friday off from work for the 4th of July holiday. Let me tell ya, having a weekday off really helps! You get stuff done - like, you know: shopping, pedicures, lunch with friends, aaaand...more shopping. It was great!

I spent Saturday on the lake on my friend's boat and a fun time was had by all. So much fun that I ended up with a lovely red glow. That's right darlings, I got the mother of all sunburns. I have been slathering myself in aloe all day today. The only part that sucks is that I can't reach my back, and that I look like Rudolf. My nose is bright red, my forehead is red and I have a lovely raccoon-like look thanks to the sunglasses I was wearing. I'm sure returning to work tomorrow will be loads of fun!

Speaking of work - it's been busy and interesting. But right now, with everything going on, I'm just glad to still be employed. So all is well as far as I'm concerned.

Those are the only updates I have for now. Hope all is well in your world!

Success!

So, I'm always on the quest to find the recipes of my favorite drinks, whether it's an alocholic beverage or something at Starbucks.

Lately, I've been REALLY into Starbucks' Passion Tea Lemonade (sweetened). And, as with all drinks from Starbucks that I discover, I become instantly addicted and end up getting them ALL the time! However, I figured that for the sake of my wallet I better start trying to learn to make the drink at home before I go broke.

So last week I noticed that they had the Iced Passion Tea in a box. It's really just a big tea bag that you steep in boiled water, add cold water to it once its steeped, and you have Iced Passion Tea.

However, I took it a step further and made simple syrup - yes, I made simple syrup, it really was simple - and added it to the tea. I also purchased some Lemonade this morning and added 25% lemonade to 75% Passion Tea.

Voila! Sweetened Passion Tea Lemonade!

Super delicious!

Why funny guys get the babes

I'm all about a funny dude!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/02/women.funny.men.intelligent/index.html

Why funny guys get the babes

Story Highlights:
Study: Women rate funny guys as more intelligent and honest
The research relates to model that women look for men who can give resources
Humor is also an important part of friendships, author says


By Elizabeth Landau
CNN

(CNN) -- Attention, single dudes: Women want you to make them laugh.


Women say they are more likely to have a long-term relationship with guys who present themselves as funny.

According to new research, women rate funny guys as more intelligent than guys who are not so funny. The research was presented this week at the British Psychological Society Annual Conference in Brighton, England.

"Over the course of history, women actively look for signs that their man is intelligent, and I believe the ability to actively judge the situation and pull off a joke and make you laugh is an intelligent feat," said Kristofor McCarty, a researcher at Northumbria University in Newcastle, England, and author of the study, in an e-mail.

McCarty's study asked 45 heterosexual women aged 18 to 30 to rate various self-descriptions of men, some funnier than others.

He invented the fictional lives of 10 men and then created a funny and not-so-funny vignette from each of their perspectives. Then, participants read all 20 descriptions and rated them on qualities such as likeliness of friendship, likeliness of long-term relationship, honesty and intelligence.

One example the study designated as high-quality humor was this: "I was standing in a mental illness ward the other day when I heard a doctor speaking to a new nurse on the ward. He was really giving her a telling-off, and his parting words were, 'And remember, when it's busy, don't go around saying it's a madhouse,' " McCarty said.

By contrast, a statement low on amusement was, "I was out skiing last year when I ended up slipping all the way down the mountain."


To set a general standard of humor, McCarty did a preliminary study to test which jokes and humorous statements were the funniest on 35 females aged 18 to 30.

Women said the men with the funniest descriptions were significantly more likely to be candidates for long-term relationships, as well as friends. Participants also rated the more amusing men as more intelligent and honest.

Previous research in evolutionary psychology has indicated that for long-term mating, women value a man's likelihood of acquiring resources: for instance, someone likely to earn a good salary. That idea recalls the early days of humans, when women relied on men's resources during childbearing years.

The study, though small in sample size, also relates to this model. A more intelligent person is less likely to fall into traps, McCarty said, and may be more able to provide for a mate and children. Read more about the brain and human behavior

Given that laughing makes people feel better, it also makes sense evolutionarily that women would prefer men with a good sense of humor, especially to help with the hardships of taking care of children, said Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and author of the recent book "Why Him? Why Her? Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type."

"People who have a good sense of humor may be likely to lighten up very bad situations and therefore reduce the stress response and simply enable you to get over the hump in bad parts of the relationship," said Fisher, who was not involved with McCarty's study.

Humor also helps creativity, said Peter Derks, professor emeritus of psychology at the College of William and Mary in Virginia, who did not work on McCarty's study. The field of positive psychology -- which looks at well-being and happiness -- posits that humor leads to happiness and happiness leads to health, he said. This suggests that humor does have some survival value as well.

But humor is not used only in long-term sexual relationships, McCarty said. It plays an important role among friends and "also developed as a desired trait in friendship for social reasons," he said.

Do men also think funny women are more intelligent and honest? Time constraints prevented McCarty from exploring this question, but he said research suggests that men don't care much about women's sense of humor.

"A man wants a woman who laughs at his jokes and is not too bothered if his girl isn't funny at all," McCarty said.

On the other hand, Derks said, researchers have found that women who are good at being funny -- eliciting laughter -- are seen as positively as are funny men.

Here's another tidbit from the British conference: Research indicates that "computer rage" -- including shouting at your computer and hitting the keyboard and mouse -- has become a common expression of anger and stress relief.

John Charlton of the University of Bolton, who presented at the conference, said these expressions were mostly linked to unsatisfactory work progress and time pressures.

If he's not calling...

...then he's just not that into you.

*sigh*

C'est la vie!

'should have' / 'should of'

Right: 'should have' / 'could have'
Wrong: 'should of' / 'could of'

The End!